We've All Been Malcolm or Marie

Well happy 2021! This is my first blog of the year… I’ve been working on so many other things that writing has gotten kinda neglected but honey; I have been inspired by the film “Malcolm & Marie” starring Zendaya and John David Washington.

If I’m being honest, I was exhausted after finishing the film LOL. Lord have mercy those two wore me out with the back and forth. But honestly, I lived for the dialogue. I’ve seen mixed reviews about this film, and I think it’s due to the fact that people have missed the importance of the dynamics and language between the two characters.

The reason why I titled this blog we’ve all been them because we have… in some way shape or form. In relationships, not just intimate ones, we’ve embodied some of the things that caused the rift between the two characters. Let’s jump right in!

1) In disagreements, we expected the other person to read our mind or to know that they’re wrong for what they did or said. Throughout the entire film, we watched as Marie relentlessly went on and on about how Malcolm forgot to thank her during his speech. But initially, she is trying to act like this is not the reason why she’s upset and it’s not a big deal. One major theme we see throughout this film is that there are a lot of unsaid feelings that lead to this moment; but instead of the two just saying it, there’s this underlying “how could not know that” or “how don’t you see that this is the issue”. How many times have we wanted others to just understand their transgressions without having to explain our feelings? Why do we do this? Is the vulnerability too much for us to handle? This leads me to my next point…

2) We hold in our true feelings until we can’t anymore. There are multiple arguments within one argument during the film. But when we get to the end, we learn that she’s really upset that not only did he not cast her as the lead actress for his movie, but he told HER story and their love story without including her. What confused me is why didn’t she say anything during the process? Why did the premiere night have to be the night that they had this heated argument? Then it hit me, actually seeing herself triggered Marie, which is what happens to us. We often let stuff linger and continue until it festers inside of us. Then something triggers it, and we have this huge explosion within us because we have been keeping our true feelings silent and locked away. I must say it was incredible to see this play out the way it did because it’s such a common event in relationships.

3) A person’s delivery may be bad, but they often mean what they say when they’re angry or upset with you. Baby listen, if words could cut both Marie and Malcolm would’ve been stabbed to death by the 30 minute mark. It irritated the shit out of me that Malcolm would often blame what he said on his anger when it was how he truly felt. When he sarcastically referenced that Marie was an “emotional support dog”, I wanted to slap the shit out of him. But Marie’s speech on Malcolm being inauthentic and not having the depth to create a compelling film was a gut punch. Anger takes away our inhibitions, especially when we want to defend ourselves. Pay attention to how people respond to you when you piss them off or anger them. While the emotions may not be directly related to you or because of you, how they speak to you can tell you what you need to know.

4) We hurt those closest to us. Sometimes we bleed our pain on them, at the worst times, and don’t think twice about it. If “I love you, but I need you to carry my baggage and don’t say shit about it” was a couple, that would be Malcolm and Marie. During the peak of the film, Malcolm goes in on Marie by bringing up past self-injurious behaviors, drug use, cheating, and insecure behaviors. Towards the end of the film, Marie shares how that even if Malcolm couldn’t remember to thank her for her contribution to the film, he should’ve at least thanked her for all she does for him as a girlfriend. Now here’s where I think they both were wrong. He was wrong as hell for not thanking her, there’s literally no excuse as to how he could’ve forgotten her. But as I stated above, she should’ve been honest about her feelings about the film from the jump. I also thought her timing was horrible to bring up the argument of not being casted as the actress the night of his premiere. He hurt her out of guilt, and she hurt him out of anger. Not thanking her on his biggest night was not the time to project the shame he felt for excluding her out of her own story. But we do that to those that are closest to us… somehow in our bad decision making, we expect those closest to us to go along with those bad decisions. While we would like for others to have grace on us, we can’t expect people to accept our bad choices because they love us.

5) We need people to need us. We hate to admit it, but it’s true. While Marie argued that Malcolm used her for her story line, a part of me feels like she liked that he did. While there appears to be more to their relationship than that, I think she enjoyed the fact that he needed her. Whether for inspiration, opinions, stroke his ego, listen to his rants, be arm candy, fix him mac and cheese lol, she has enjoyed this. Malcolm said how Marie loves being traumatized and can’t fathom being loved by someone for who she is. I think he enjoyed being this “savior” and helping Marie battle her addiction. Like she said, he knows there’s a slim chance that she’ll wake up one day and not want to be with him. We all like when people need us (of course in a healthy balance) and how we fill a role in people’s lives. It can be very triggering to us to learn that we no longer are important to someone or not needed. We just don’t like to admit that level of vulnerability.

I enjoyed the film because the dialogue and dynamics are what many of us have gone through. It was wild to see this on screen and to see multiple scenarios play out in a short amount of time. But I appreciate everyone involve for telling the story of many.

Did you like the film? What were some takeaways for you?