Don’t Fight the Waves, Just Let Go

Let’s just hit the ground running!

I can be a bit of a control freak. There, I said it. I worry when things start to slip out of my grasp. It makes me uncomfortable, it spikes my anxiety. As a result, God continuously puts me in situations that I have no control over or I have to surrender and go with the flow.

I woke up this morning refreshed from therapy and the work that I’ve been doing within myself. It’s been so hard yall. I have another blog that will explain more, stay tuned. But this blog dropped in my spirit this morning.

I took a 2-week hiatus from Facebook and got back on this morning. My first order of business was to watch the Red Table Talk episode featuring Alicia Keys. So as I’m sitting here with this draft open, God sends me confirmation. Jada Pinkett-Smith ask Alicia Keys about a time in her life that has been most challenging and her response starts with “finding the strength to let go off..”

Bruh, a chill went down my spine. Ok God, I hear you!!

My summer was a hot ass mess. When I say, I haven’t felt this out of control since 2014, no lies are being told. Everything around me crumbled. Even when I felt like I was doing something right, I wasn’t or it didn’t work. I was like yooooooo, what is happening. It’s like I woke up one day and nothing was the same.

Grief and loss was a recurrent theme. Soooooo many losses, every single month. I was like damn, why??!!!

The pain was unreal, but the theme was the same. Letting go. Accepting letting go. Being okay with letting go. Seeing the benefit in letting go. Seeing how holding on hindered me rather than helped me.

Let me clarify what I mean by “letting go”. It’s not that I acted like things weren’t taking place, but I was fighting to hold onto or to try and fix everything. I had to learn to let go over trying to control or change the course of what was transpiring.

Listen when I tell you, letting go is so scary. I felt powerless. I was angry because I wanted to do something about so many things. Nothing worked out how I wanted, my words fell on deaf ears, my actions pointless, my prayers felt unheard. I was in discord with myself and so many other people.

When I realized I was fighting against the current, I surrendered. I finally said I cant do this…. to everything!!! I had to tell my damn self, “Brittany, you cannot!! I know you want to push through and for everything to be better, but it’s falling a part for a reason. Just let it.”

While I’m not completely out of the storm and I’m working on rebuilding myself and things around me, I could not be more happier with learning to be where I am.

Sometimes all we can see are the losses, how things took an unexpected turn, or how we failed. We don’t often see how storms bring a newness and rebirth.

The ironic thing is it’s not always about the loss, but everything you gain and learn in the process. I saw Iyanla on her Acts of Faith tour and she made a comment about how people think the new year starts in January, but it’s actually Autumn. That’s when things die off! That was a word hunny!!

So in my letting go, I’m letting autumn be my rebirth. I’m starting over from scratch and I’m okay with that. But I had to begin to accept what was and what is, forgive myself for holding on, and move forward.

To whoever is reading this and is struggling with releasing something whether it’s emotion, a situation, a person… it’s time. Start over for you. Holding on doesn’t serve you. Let your new self be born. God had to force things out of my control. Before He takes you there lol just surrender. It’s so much easier.

What do you need to let go of?