Don’t Expect an Outsider to be the Gate Keeper of your Marriage
If you are easily offended, just exit out now! Okay let’s move on shall we…
Marriage is complicated to say the least. Merging two people, their childhood baggage, adulthood baggage, personality, families, finances, and life stressors that rise….. yeeeaaaa things can get a little difficult.
But you know what intensifies those issues, a third party. It doesn’t necessarily have to be cheating, but a family member, friend, or coworker.
You know what is frustrating? When it appears that someone doesn’t respect the boundaries of your marriage. This can happen in a variety of ways. One being the most obvious, cheating. People cheat for a variety of reasons. It’s not always sexual, sometimes it’s inappropriate conversations or developing feelings for someone other than your spouse.
Boundaries can be pushed by friends and family members as well. This could be from someone trying to insert their way into your marriage or causing a rift between you and your spouse.
The downside to all this is that we cant expect people on the outside to respect these boundaries. We want to but the bottom line is people will only do what you allow. So it is up to the people in the marriage to maintain these boundaries.
Am I saying to let people walk all over you or to give people a pass when they’re disrespectful? Absolutely not! But it’s up to you and your spouse to shut things down before they even escalate.
I never understood the term “homewrecker.” Now.. are there women out here who seek out marry men or don’t care that a man is married, definitely!! But why do we always blame the woman and not the man who broke his vows?
Why are we always ready to go after the overbearing family member and not be mad at our spouse for even letting them continuously cause friction?
Why do we hate “that friend” of our spouses for how they behave or what they say and not confront our spouse for not confronting them?
I’m just saying if the third party sees that they can continue to do whatever they want without consequence, why should they do anything different?
It’s up to the people in the marriage to maintain boundaries and respect from all angles.
Now, if it gets to that point where you have to defend yourself then so be it. But there may be a deeper issue, if your spouse doesn’t step in first.
When dealing with these kinds of issues, remember to:
Self assess to see if the issue is major or a minor misunderstanding.
Communicate your emotions to your spouse.
Discuss it with your spouse to reach a resolution. Talk about what needs to be said/done in order to move forward.
If you are unable to agree on the issue at least try to reach a happy medium or common ground.
If your spouse is unwilling to handle the issue, there may be a bigger issue at hand. Relating to respect, conflict resolution, etc. Assess whether you need to involve a professional to help you all work through the issue.