God’s Transformation in Isolation
Okay so let's address the elephant in the room... I know it’s been over a year…… lol; Moving on…..
Motherhood is truly a transition. There are so many changes and adjustments. What I wasn’t prepared for was how things changed for me, socially, prior to pregnancy and up until now. I had this vision of who would be helping on my journey to becoming a Mom. I knew some relationships would maybe change, but I was not expecting where I am now. But I was surprised, very early on, that the only people who I could truly talk to about things during my pregnancy was my husband, therapist, and my best friend Ashley. My mom has also been a huge support.
I saw this tweet and it drew me in because this has been my life since my miscarriage in 2022 : "Stop getting upset at the people who aren't called, by God, to pour into your life.”
Some people have partially or completely fell off my radar since giving birth. No beef and I know that for a few of them, life is simply happening and that's okay. Sometimes I wondered “do I matter less because I’m a Mom” or “do people not care about how I’m doing?” I initially felt hurt or forgotten about….but I’m gaining a new outlook and perception on that. I'm realizing that some people are not around because they have nothing to add to my motherhood journey, even if they do have kids. I realized my needs changed. I had more desire to be listened to, for someone to reassure me things would be fine, advice that was realistic and not rooted in negativity, and people who could understand how even though I was excited, I was terrified due to past miscarriages. I had to recognize what (and who) was best for me mentally. This need still remains just in different ways. I cannot have people around me who are not working on their own issues or to become a better person. New motherhood brings enough anxieties, I also don't need other people’s traumas and fears projected on to me either. To help with some of my loneliness, I am hearing God remind me that people can’t give me what they don’t have and they may not add value to my journey. I’m mindful of what I expose myself to and who I am communication with. We need to recognize God's protection sometimes. Choosing this route has allowed me to be more in tune with myself, my husband, and child. I am not surrounded by negativity or situations that could be problematic. I am not subconsciously influenced.
But if I’m being transparent, this has brought up some feelings of isolation and loneliness as well. While I’m me, there are things about me that have changed due to my experiences with infertility, miscarriage, and becoming a mom. All that is a perfect recipe that has me with very minimal connections and outlets. It sucks, like a lot. It’s hard. Now that life has slowed down a bit, I look around me and nothing is the same. Whether by choice or force, my relationships have completely changed. I feel like I’m just catching up to the changes that have occurred over the last 3-4 years. I know this is a “normal” part of becoming a new Mom, but it needs to be talked about more. There’s a grief about what used to be.
From Sharp.com: “According to the American Medical Association, 51% of mothers in the U.S. with young children feel serious loneliness, which is increasingly seen as a risk factor for depression. Many women also feel disconnected from their former self, which can cause difficulties in family relationships and bonds with others. Typically, there is reduced social connection or perceived limited social contact in the perinatal period, which can cause loneliness and also lead women to make comparisons between themselves and how they think — or have been led to think — mothers should look, act and feel.”
Even if you’re not a new mom, but you find yourself wondering what happened to everybody? Why am I so lonely in this transition? Those people aren’t meant to be a part of the good that’s coming. Seriously consider, what guidance can they provide? Are they able to support me in a way that I need to be supported? Asking myself those questions has made me realize some things. I know God has a reason for my solitude in this season of transformation. I know this cloud is temporary and preparing for me for better. But up until I read that quote... it had not occurred to me, that as God would have it; some people are just not supposed to be a part of my journey right now. I still have my moments of questioning the isolation I sometimes feel as a new Mom. But when I truly think about it, God has been very purposeful about pruning and ripening my support system. I've worked hard to maintain boundaries, peace, and clarity. I trust my instincts more, which has a new confidence brewing inside me. Everyone can't be along for this ride or maybe even this part of it. I also am working on being open to new, healthy connections and what steps I need to take to achieve that. While I struggle, I am thankful for what’s to come. And to all the moms out there, keep being amazing!
Sources:
https://www.sharp.com/health-news/new-parenthood-is-often-lovely-sometimes-lonely