Stop Pretending You’re okay when You’re not

Happy 2020! We’re going to start this year off with being honest.

You’re probably thinking based on the title that this is going to be a post about “not being authentic on social media” or being fraudulent, but nope, we’re going a little deeper.

When I say pretending, I’m referring to acting like we’re okay when we’re not! I’ve given you all a little glimpse into how I had the summer/fall from hell. But you know what caused me to spiral more into depression? I kept trying to move like I was just going through a few minor things and I was going to just bounce back. When I had my chemical pregnancy back in June, very few people knew. Maybe about 5 people knew, including my husband. 3 out of the 5 people knew how bad life was, like the nitty gritty. But I said that to say… if you look at my Instagram or Facebook… I’m pretty sure nobody could tell. It’s not funny, but I’m laughing typing this because I was really walking around acting like I was okay. I was trying to be a support to be people meanwhile I was broken as hell on the inside!

But hey, we all do it. It’s a part of being an adult that we learn at a very young age. How many times did our parents tell us they were too busy to deal with something or even us as children? Adulting and parenting are hard, I’m probably going to say that at some point to my kids, so no judgement here. We learn early on that no matter what is happening, life does not stop.

My point is, even more now than before with my generation, there is no resting time. We are always on the go. Whether working, traveling, creating businesses, parenting, exercising, studying, etc. So what do we do when shit starts to fall apart? P R E T E N D.

We act like we have everything under control when in reality we’re drowning. We don’t want to appear weak or like we can’t handle life. All this does is catapult us further into a breakdown. This is when pretending goes wrong…

When we ignore our issues, stress, and pain… it leads to the following: spiraling out of control, making irrational decisions, memory loss, anxiety, health issues, other areas of our life start to be effected, self medicating, exploding, and suicidal ideations. We never really realize how quickly things can snowball into a major crisis. I experienced all these: my anxiety was through the roof, my husband and I were in a horrible place, lost friends, I couldn’t write, etc.

Ever notice how sick we get when we’re stressed (your cortisol levels go up due to stress)? Or how we usually end up in conflict with others we love during stressful times, even if they’re not related to the source of stress? Or how we neglect other areas of our life when we’re stressed? This comes from overload!!

Being overloaded with stress is never a good thing and cause so many issues and ruin relationships.

Pretending also keeps those around you in the dark. I understand that some of you were taught to depend on yourselves very early on or may feel you don’t have a choice but to rely on yourself solely. But those around you can’t read your mind or know that you need help if you don’t share what’s going on.

I wanted to start the year of with this post to encourage you all to be more vulnerable and to utilize self care. We can’t do it all and that’s okay. Shit happens. It’s okay when things are too hard to handle. It’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to not be okay. I ask that you all be honest with yourselves about stress levels and knowing when to seek outside help. I also ask that you evaluate your support system and assess if your ability to be vulnerable and ask for help.

Pretending you’re fine when your not only hurts you.

Can you recall a time you ended up having a breakdown or exploded from pretending you were fine when you really weren’t?