Death Shouldn't be a Reminder to Show Love

There’s something to be said about how death impacts us all. I mean its thought provoking, scary, grief invoking, etc. But yet, it’s simple all at the same time.

Kobe Bryant and his daughter, as well as the other 7 passengers (John Altobelli, Keri Altobelli, Alyssa Altobelli, Christina Mauser, Payton Chester, Sarah Chester, & Ara Zobayan), dying in the helicopter crash has shaken us all. As with many celebrities that pass, we feel it. While we may not have been a part of theirs, these people have been a part of our world. I wasn’t a Kobe fan per say, I’m not a huge basketball fan. But being that I’m almost 30, the majority of my life, Kobe has been the top player. Kobe changed the face of basketball, Kobe was in the debates when it comes to who’s the GOAT, I've seen him guest star on so many of my favorite shows. So while I didn’t make it my business to watch him on the court, I saw him everywhere.

Just like with many celebrity deaths, people utilize it as a “wake up call”. Normally, it wouldn’t bother me, but honestly utilizing death as a reminder to reach out to someone is concerning.

I posted this on my Facebook:

“I struggle with death being a reminder to tell people you love them, you’re proud of them, etc. Why is this not already happening? Vulnerability. Transparency. Openness. All that and in between. Imagine not telling someone how much you love and appreciate them because “you don’t do that” or “that’s not your thing”. Too many people have an obsession with being vulnerable and emotional back firing on them. Stop worrying about how your vulnerability will be perceived. Get your feelings out. It could literally be your last chance. Get in the habit of telling people in the moment how much you love, appreciate, or are thankful for them in the moment.“

It received many shares and comments. But I really wanna dig into this for a second.

Where has the difficulty come from with being vulnerable? Why are we so concerned with how people perceive us for showing emotion? Why is showing emotion viewed as being “an uncomfortable task”, when emotions are natural? We began life by having to cry to communicate. It’s like at some point we lose that.

I understand that through trauma and other unfortunate circumstances, people’s ability to express themselves can become skewed or almost nonexistent. They may do what works or learned through survival mode that it’s not best to show emotion. It just saddens me because how often do people slip away from us and without ever knowing how we feel? Is being filled with regret worth it in the end?

I’m not perfect by far, I’ve delayed conversations due to anger, pride, etc. I’ve gone without speaking to people. But anybody around me will tell you, I let my people know how I feel about them. If I’m proud of you, you’ll know, if I appreciate you, you’ll know, if I’m thankful for you being in my corner, you’ll know. We really have to start practicing showing people love in the moment. Don’t wait. Stop thinking you have forever to fix things with people. If it takes something like death to make you contact somebody, was it really worth it to hold a grudge over?

Expressing and showing love was something that comforted me after my dad passed. We said “I love you” every time we ended a phone conversation and those were the last words we shared. I can’t imagine not letting someone know how I feel for the sake of worrying about how I’m perceived or due to pride.

When you’re unable to talk to that person, none of that matters. Instead of allowing death to inspire us to make amends or to send that “I love you” text, let’s make that a normal practice.

If you struggle with this, start small and gradually work your way up. Communicate through writing, send a text or email, or send a greeting card. Check in on people more often. Stop using the excuse that you’re busy. Time is not waiting on you or anyone else. If you really struggle with vulnerability, I want you to ask yourself where this comes from and how it’s effected your relationships with other. Also, therapy may be the best way to explore this.

Be open, be honest, show love and vulnerability. If not for you, then for those you love.