Suicide Prevention is more than just “Checking on Someone“
Happy 2022! Unfortunately, in the past few weeks, we have witnessed several suicides by people considered to be public figures. All of them under 30 and leaving others quite unsure as to what lead them to suicide. So many posts on social media from blogs, news outlets, fans, and family and friends expressing their emotions surrounding the losses.
I will tell you what lead me to writing this blog. One thing I keep seeing and always tend to see when it comes to suicide is people saying: “check on your loved ones”, “check in to make sure people are okay”, “talk to your strong friend”, etc.
There are many factors that contribute to mental illness and suicide such as genetics, environmental factors, traumatic events, etc. I’m not saying checking in on others is pointless or doesn’t help people at all, but it can be more of a band aid. Let’s not diminish the severity of suicide to being fixed by a quick check in. Suicidal ideations are usually not resolved from one conversation or text where someone inquires about how the person is doing. Let me tell you why:
Suicidal ideations are complex and can be due to so many underlying issues/triggers. When dealing with the heaviness, hopelessness, and pain that comes with those thoughts, it can take a lot to change them long term.
Often times, people contemplating suicide do not want to feel like a burden to others. In fact, it’s sometimes the very reason why they’re contemplating suicide. I said this to say, even if you check in on them, they may not be honest or fully go into detail about what’s going on with them. There is also a stigma surrounding suicide and mental health issues, so people aren’t always going to just spill about their problems.
Unless it’s planned, it’s hard to tell what is that last deciding factor for someone contemplating suicide. They can present one way and feel another, especially if the person is functioning “fine” with depression. It can be hard to read them. They can literally be out with you at brunch and in a hopeless mindset by 6pm that same day. Don’t assume depression or people who contemplate suicide look or act a certain way.
Don’t get it twisted, I absolutely believe in checking on loved ones. I do believe that with busy schedules we need to be reminded about checking in our loved ones. However, I feel like when people say this, they want to shift blame somewhere or create a narrative that the person didn’t have support. Most of the time, the family and friends of someone who commits suicide already feel guilty enough, there’s no need to add to that by saying “we need to be checking on people”. It’s just not that simple.
I also would like to add that, when dealing with something as heavy as suicide, the person has to have access to and/or want help. Even if their family and friends are aware of what they’re carrying, they still have to make the ultimate decision to get the help that they need. Obviously, money and access to resources play a part in this too. Having a support system and listening ear can be helpful as well, but that won’t always solve whatever the person is struggling with. It may temporarily give them a sense of relief, but the thoughts can still come flooding back in. This specifically applies if you’re talking about someone experiencing stress in multiple areas and doesn’t have access to mental health services.
As I stated above, suicide is very complex. There can be multiple factors that play a part in why a person take’s their life. While the link between suicide and mental disorders (in particular, depression and alcohol use disorders) is well established in high-income countries, many suicides happen impulsively in moments of crisis with a breakdown in the ability to deal with life stresses, such as financial problems, relationship break-up or chronic pain and illness (WHO, 2022). It’s not up to us to try to rationalize or create a reason why a person committed suicide or how it could’ve been prevented. It can be hard to determine what triggered it or what was the final straw. Sometimes it’s planned and sometimes it’s not. I know we want to make sense of things, but we aren’t always able to. Everyone carries pain differently and sometimes that pain is just too much.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please encourage them to get help. It’s okay to not be okay. We are all struggling with something, don’t be ashamed of your pain. Also, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.
If we really want to address Suicide Prevention, we have to look at discrimination, mental health resources, food access, homelessness, and the list goes on for miles. Multiple parts of society have to make changes to truly address Suicide Prevention.
Sources
World Health Organization, 2022. Suicide (who.int)